The Rita Side

Have you ever had people knock on your door at that exact moment you are about to fall asleep, and when you open the door, you see two ‘sisters’ and a ‘brother’ with bibles clutched tightly to their chest and the fakest smiles plastered on their faces? I used to hate them so much because my conscience would always get them best of me and I would let them in and pretend to listen while conjuring ways to kill them. Guess who eventually became one of them? Ding ding ding! Yours truly. In my first year, I bumped into an association in my church where evangelism was the norm and I was too proud (or too afraid that thunder would fire me) to leave. So my preaching life began and I knew almost immediately that it was not my scene. Over the years, I learned to accept, and maybe even enjoy it occasionally. I have had so many strange experiences. For some, I have prayed for the ground to swallow me, for others I have prayed for the same fate for my listeners - judge me all you wan...

Bang bang bang... Anna turned grudgingly and threw a pillow over her head. Bang bang bang... "Anna is not home," she called out in a fake voice. "Go away." "Anna, I know you are in there. Please let me in," the voice called. It was Tori, Anna's bestfriend. Anna kicked into the air in frustration and dragged herself off the bed. How can you knock on your someone's door by 3am? Once she met her friend at the door, she knew she could not return to sleep. Tori's eyes were puffy and her hair was a huge mess. She looked like one who had seen a ghost. Anna led her to the kitchen without saying a word and pulled out a bottle of water from the fridge. Tori stared at it for a little while before uncapping the bottle and taking a big gulp. Anna noticed that her hand was shaky and new tears had formed in her eyes. "Start talking," Anna commanded. "Someone entered my bedroom through my window," she finally said. One loo...

He was sleeping.  He had that silly smile on his face too. You know that smile that made me listen to him when he walked up to me at my sister's wedding? Yes that one. He wore it through our relationship and to the wedding too. I remembered smiling right back while he repeated those stereotyped vows that the priest made him say. I remembered letting him take off my gown that night and swearing that we would do nothing else if he did not read his real vows first as he had promised. I had my vows written too and the paper was safely tucked in my phone pouch, but I wanted him to go first. He had his in his left pocket and as he pulled it out carelessly, I watched him. He had never been a writer and I was honestly ready to accept anything he had written. To be fair, I had been celibate for years and I was too horny to care about perfect words. Nevertheless, curiosity had gotten the best of me and I needed to know what he had written down. Four years had passed, but I s...

Once upon a lifetime, I was God's very own. It was almost like I did not need to go to church to have a conversation  with God. I could just start one while walking, no matter how silly,  but it was a great time of my life. I had never been the pray-before-you-rise or pray-before-bed kind of girl. I was just the girl that talked to God when I was brushing,  having a bath, in-between classes,  etc. Still I showed up in church whenever I could. It was my peaceful place...my escape  from all the madness. I used to call myself lucky and unlucky at the same time. I have to be the clumsiest person  I know (even today). No one else makes tea and spills the beverage/milk/hot water every time. No one has tripped more times than me. No one makes more mistakes or bad decisions than I do.  But on the other hand, I've had the craziest luck too. I fell sick last year for about three days, but before then, my last sickness was menstrual cramps and occasional...

Felicia was her name. He liked to call her a friend. For a man in his line of work, it was not particularly a thing to advertise. Still, as each day passed, he let her suck him into her bubble. Her energy was contagious, her beauty was blinding and he dared not speak of her body, although its perfection always seemed to be the elephant in the room. Amongst his peers, he was quite a bore. They said he was too serious for his age. It was true that his job was not one to meddle with, but one had to laugh sometimes, right? Life was too short after all. If only they knew that a certain female left him in stitches each time they met.  They probably would have advised him to be more devoted to his work and shed off such dangerous distractions. Each time they invited him to come out with them, he turned them down. He could do without their weekly beer and suya meetup. He had his own after all. Maybe it would have helped if he had other friends. Maybe they would have warned ...

You know how girls are completely obsessed with the bathroom? I am not particularly different. My wig feels lopsided, I want to go to the bathroom. It's that time of the month, I want to go to the bathroom. My bladder is threatening to embarrass me (as usual), I want to go to the bathroom. It happened that on the day in question, I had to make my regular trip and the closest bathroom was in a building I used to call my dormitory. The place still seemed very familiar to me, (or so I thought) and I knew where the girl's bathroom was. So without a second thought, I took the stairs two at a time and pushed the bathroom door open like I still had rights to the place. Guess who I saw. You guessed wrong. I don't even know the person. I just know that a complete stranger was standing right there staring at me and wondering if I had lost my mind.  Even  I was wondering the same thing!  What was I doing in a boy's bathroom? Why was I in a staring contest with a stark nak...

Maybe it is disrespectful to call her that, but I do remember that she was blue. I'd never seen anyone turn blue before. I never understood why they would say blue blood when blood was always red. Not until that day. It was one of those boring mornings where we were standing and listening to what we could barely understand. A man walked into the emergency room. He was so tall and looked like he was in his late 30s. I glanced at him passively and let my eyes wander around the slightly crowded room. Mothers were everywhere, hovering over their sick babies. 'Ma I need your help ', I heard someone say and I turned to see. It was then that I saw blue baby in his arms. He wasn't talking to me but my heart skipped at the sight. Blue baby was gasping for air and he was struggling to hold her gently. He looked a bit too composed for a scared father. I watched as the woman he spoke to pointed towards the front desk and then quickly rushed towards it with him. B...