Blue Baby

Maybe it is disrespectful to call her that, but I do remember that she was blue. I'd never seen anyone turn blue before. I never understood why they would say blue blood when blood was always red. Not until that day.

It was one of those boring mornings where we were standing and listening to what we could barely understand. A man walked into the emergency room. He was so tall and looked like he was in his late 30s. I glanced at him passively and let my eyes wander around the slightly crowded room. Mothers were everywhere, hovering over their sick babies.

'Ma I need your help ', I heard someone say and I turned to see. It was then that I saw blue baby in his arms. He wasn't talking to me but my heart skipped at the sight. Blue baby was gasping for air and he was struggling to hold her gently. He looked a bit too composed for a scared father. I watched as the woman he spoke to pointed towards the front desk and then quickly rushed towards it with him. Blue baby was an emergency and everyone had begun to panic.

I walked like a zombie behind them. I heard them say she was only a year old and she was a known patient with a congenital heart disease. I also heard her daddy mention that they were coming from Elekahia. I had no idea where that was, but the look on the doctor's face said it all. They had taken too long. Finally the blue lips and nails made sense. Someone had put nasal prongs in blue baby's nose while her father held her. He still looked very composed and I had to respect him. Behind his stoic eyes, I saw flashes of fear come and go. I understood. He had to be the man. His wife was there after all, standing at a corner and trying not to scream.

Blue baby finally got a bed. Someone pegged a pulse oximeter to her big toe while another began chest compression. Her oxygen level was driving me nuts. She was no longer moving. Strange faces had gathered around her and someone had put an oxygen mask on her face. Still blue baby was not turning red. Not a little, not at all. I refused to give up. I still stood like a guard waiting to do whatever I was told. I wanted to be part of her success story somehow. 

Daddy was no longer standing by the little bed. I could tell that it was hard to watch as the strange hands pushed her chest up and down. Her ribs seemed as though they would snap at any moment. Her lips were slightly parted and her eyes were closed.

Momentarily, there was another emergency that stole my attention. This one was a boy; much older than blue baby. Someone was whispering that he had just aspirated. Chest compressions had been started for him and the crowd that once watched blue baby had split in two. After all, blue baby was not the only one they had to save. Her mother had walked away too and she was consoling the young boy's mother at the waiting room.

' It will be alright ' she whispered. 'We will be fine.'

I followed the crowd and hoped he would make it alive. For all our sakes. Soon enough, tensed faces finally softened and it was evident that the boy had made it. One down, one to go, I thought as I stepped away from his bed.

When I got back to blue baby, only two people were watching her. One for compressions and the other for oxygen. Her father still stood quietly and watched. His eyes were no longer stoic. They were dazed. It was almost like his soul had left his body in the emergency room. I could almost hear his thoughts.

*Daddy's little girl is not here. She is sitting at home and watching those silly videos. Her toys are all over the place as always. I hope I don't trip over that ugly train again when I get back. I just want to make sure this girl is ok before I go home to her.*

Someone asked for a pen torch and I fretfully searched for mine. As I handed it over, I realised what it was for. Anger bubbled from my intestines up to my throat like hot acid as I heard them say the words.

'Her pupils are fixed and dilated."

No they are not!

'Heart sounds cannot be heard'

Try again!

'Time of death. 12:50pm.'

Nooooooooo!!!!

I walked away quietly. I told myself not to look back, but my body was so disobedient. I watched daddy poke his little girl, beckoning her to wake up, but she was dead as a toy. I knew then that I had to leave the building as soon as possible before I broke something.

As I walked past the waiting room, I saw the two mothers sitting together. Blue baby's mom was still consoling the one whose son had cheated death. If only she knew.

I turned my face away hoping she wouldn't recognise me as one of the 'medical personnel' and ask for an update on her daughter. There were so many ways to die, but watching a mother crumble on hearing of her dead baby was not the way I wanted to meet my maker. I knew it would kill me.

What was that thing they said in Game of Thrones again?

There is only one thing you say to death...

Not today.

If only blue baby could talk...