It's official, I'm a junkie




You know how girls are completely obsessed with the bathroom? I am not particularly different. My wig feels lopsided, I want to go to the bathroom. It's that time of the month, I want to go to the bathroom. My bladder is threatening to embarrass me (as usual), I want to go to the bathroom. It happened that on the day in question, I had to make my regular trip and the closest bathroom was in a building I used to call my dormitory. The place still seemed very familiar to me, (or so I thought) and I knew where the girl's bathroom was. So without a second thought, I took the stairs two at a time and pushed the bathroom door open like I still had rights to the place. Guess who I saw. You guessed wrong. I don't even know the person. I just know that a complete stranger was standing right there staring at me and wondering if I had lost my mind. Even I was wondering the same thing! What was I doing in a boy's bathroom? Why was I in a staring contest with a stark naked male who was just as confused and definitely more embarrassed than I was?


I don't know how long it took before he covered his junk, but he eventually made a poor attempt at it with his hands. It took a while longer for me to find my voice and for my saucer-shaped eyes to return to their normal sizes. I was busy thinking, 'This is a story I have to tell! I have blogging material!' But I must confess that I was so ashamed of myself later on. Not because I had seen someone naked (all you have to do is be a medical student and you will see enough junks for a lifetime), but because that poor guy was probably thinking of how a girl walked into the bathroom and saw what he had been hiding for years. I had emasculated him😂😂 Also, I felt it was unfair to share a poor guy's embarrassing moment without even getting his permission or letting him tell his side of the story. On the bright side, I don't even remember what I saw (in case you are reading this) or much else after that. I just remember laughing so hard and thinking 'poor guy'.


When I told my friend this story today, she said she wouldn't have let me go if she were the guy. An eye for an eye, she said. I would have had to give up something too. We had a good laugh then, but now I can't help but wonder. What if he had jumped me? What if he had thrown me against the wall or worse? What if my laughter had died with me that day? Thank God it all ended as soon as it started. Like it never happened.


.....


Dear Stranger,

All I remember is that you were fair and looked like a cute young man in shock. The memory of what I saw below your umbilicus is a total blur to me now. Have no fear. You are as good as a virgin boy that goes to shower in his pyjamas, because this girl's brain is as porous as a basket.

Before I forget...

Thank you for this story...

Yes I'm going to tell my grandkids...with extra sauce of course...

Sorry...I'm not sorry😂😂😂



PS: Try to use the shower curtains next time. They are there for emergencies like this.



#TheRitaSide

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Hustle

Image
"Good morning Ma." It is the fourth time that I am greeting, and I already know there will be no reply. Mama has been staring at the wall since last night. I sit beside her on the ragged foam and attempt to find the object of her attention. The wall is not painted like the rest of the house. There are cracks that run from end to end adding some finesse to the uneven patches of brown dust on the wall. "Mama won't you eat something?" I ask her as I tear my eyes away from the wall. She does not flinch. Since she has chosen to ignore me, I decide that it is best to take my leave. I walk into the kitchen in search of anything. Even water. I find a little water in the storage bucket at the corner and pour it into a pot. It is another garri and palm oil day. It has been for a week now. Unbothered by the mundane routine we have acquired, I search for the box of matches and try to light the wick. First strike. Second strike. I raise the burner to
Read more

Till This Day

Image
He was sleeping.  He had that silly smile on his face too. You know that smile that made me listen to him when he walked up to me at my sister's wedding? Yes that one. He wore it through our relationship and to the wedding too. I remembered smiling right back while he repeated those stereotyped vows that the priest made him say. I remembered letting him take off my gown that night and swearing that we would do nothing else if he did not read his real vows first as he had promised. I had my vows written too and the paper was safely tucked in my phone pouch, but I wanted him to go first. He had his in his left pocket and as he pulled it out carelessly, I watched him. He had never been a writer and I was honestly ready to accept anything he had written. To be fair, I had been celibate for years and I was too horny to care about perfect words. Nevertheless, curiosity had gotten the best of me and I needed to know what he had written down. Four years had passed, but I s
Read more

Musings: Confessions of an Ex-Church Girl

Image
Once upon a lifetime, I was God's very own. It was almost like I did not need to go to church to have a conversation  with God. I could just start one while walking, no matter how silly,  but it was a great time of my life. I had never been the pray-before-you-rise or pray-before-bed kind of girl. I was just the girl that talked to God when I was brushing,  having a bath, in-between classes,  etc. Still I showed up in church whenever I could. It was my peaceful place...my escape  from all the madness. I used to call myself lucky and unlucky at the same time. I have to be the clumsiest person  I know (even today). No one else makes tea and spills the beverage/milk/hot water every time. No one has tripped more times than me. No one makes more mistakes or bad decisions than I do.  But on the other hand, I've had the craziest luck too. I fell sick last year for about three days, but before then, my last sickness was menstrual cramps and occasionally catarrh and I am dating
Read more