Musings of A Girl Who Needs Sleep

Who blogs when they have exams? Definitely not me. At least that is what I would have said last week. I should probably explain the gravity of the exam in question before I move further. It is one of those exams that will give you sleepless nights a month or even two months before. That one that makes you delete your Instagram handle and put your whatsapp on hold. Yes that one. Yet, I am two weeks away from this exam and I am am still typing. Scratch that. Eleven days! I just realised I only have eleven days!!!! I need some air.

The thing I like about exams is that once they start, there is no going back until they are over. So yes I might be scared and I might have reminded myself countless times that I swore not to cry until I saw my first baby. Still, I am grateful. Grateful that I am close to the end of a phase in my life. Grateful that I am moving forward. Grateful that the end draws near although the journey just began yesterday. I don't won't to rant about my new 3hr sleep routine or my recent caffeine addiction. This post is not one for complaining. It is just one that I want to read and share three weeks from now when it all ends in praise.

I lied. This post is for complaining and sharing my misery. This is probably one of the worst moments of my life. Every thought of the exam makes me want to cry. Everytime I open my book, I fear that nothing I read will contribute to my success. I can't sleep. My eating routine has gone down the toilet. Sometimes I just want to vanish. I fear I will break. Or worse still, that I will give up.

Then, I have to lie myself that I am smarter than I really am. That I am stronger. That I can do this. I have stopped listening to people that tell me that I have read enough and I will give the lecturers a run for their money. Maybe they are right. Most likely, they are wrong. Still, I will get through these 11days. Worse things have happened to me in this unfair life. Much worse, I must say, but that is a story for another day. Today, I only have one consolation. If people have gone through this and survived, who am I not to? I might be million terrible things, but I am not weak. I refuse to be.

(Dear God, this part is for you alone. I can't do this on my own. I am weak; I accept with all honesty. But in you o Lord, I am strong. Forgive my lapses and help me. Please. Get me out of this unscarred. Amen)

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